he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
