If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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