I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
