oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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