youre lurking in front of me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
