Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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