i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You can't motorboat a personality
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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