a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
