You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
