i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
