i permit you to call me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
