is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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