He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
