did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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