hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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