the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
