I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
