Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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