Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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