Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
