ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
