just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
