my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
whose parrot is this?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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