i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
