I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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