Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
