Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
