the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
