eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
