is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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