Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
