guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
