just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
