So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize