i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
