i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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