I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
