omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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