I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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