I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.