I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.