you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
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I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.