Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?