I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"