So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.