I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS