Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
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Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?