Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

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  (212): He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances," http://tfl.nu/u663
  Replies (83) Good night (3736) Bad night (2991)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.

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  (239): just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried. http://tfl.nu/7tbj
  Replies (16) Good night (5510) Bad night (980)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day

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  (847): I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day http://tfl.nu/i0qa
  Replies (20) Good night (1818) Bad night (5860)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?

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  (502): Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here? http://tfl.nu/rbfc
  Replies (26) Good night (9135) Bad night (868)
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  (315): View more from New York

  im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor

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  (315): im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor http://tfl.nu/m26k
  Replies (15) Good night (5677) Bad night (1013)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

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  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (42) Good night (11181) Bad night (1498)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

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  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4991) Bad night (1785)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name

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  (970): At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name http://tfl.nu/d4zs
  Replies (12) Good night (3940) Bad night (1226)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.

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  (570): My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station. http://tfl.nu/3ja7
  Replies (16) Good night (4329) Bad night (1973)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.

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  (706): He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout. http://tfl.nu/uk8o
  Replies (4) Good night (3716) Bad night (878)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.

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  (609): She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her. http://tfl.nu/z51y
  Replies (19) Good night (3238) Bad night (1195)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.

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  (419): WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME. http://tfl.nu/mbtp
  Replies (11) Good night (1119) Bad night (1290)
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  (628): View more from California

  Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.

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  (628): Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes. http://tfl.nu/sfav
  Replies (4) Good night (1106) Bad night (409)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.

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  (585): I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright. http://tfl.nu/bzkq
  Replies (2) Good night (713) Bad night (349)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?

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  (519): Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night? http://tfl.nu/rvm4
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (388)

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