apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
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Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle