I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
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I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.