Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
