Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
