we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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