Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
