I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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