Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
