Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
