I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
