Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
