And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We need to rekindle our bromance
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
