look no pants
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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