I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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