dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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