My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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