I'm passing your future prison.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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