If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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