The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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