You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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