Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drunk is not a location!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
