My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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