babies were throwing up all over the place
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
