lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
