And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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