the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
