Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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