We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
