so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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