she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
