He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We need a shit load of segways right now
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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