if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
