some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
